I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
Randomize