Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
Randomize
