So drunk its hurt
Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
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