You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
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