you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
Randomize
