So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
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