What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
Randomize
