You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
Randomize
