i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
Randomize
