I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
Randomize
