O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
Randomize
