I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
What drink are we having for lunch?
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
Randomize
