I could make wine with my vomit
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
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