Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
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