My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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