just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
Randomize
