Redeem this text for a blowjob
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
Randomize
