All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
Randomize
