Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
Randomize
