How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
Randomize
