He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
