Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
Randomize
