So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
Randomize
