I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
