ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
At what point did we cease to have vaginas?
Sometime in the sweat pants phase freshman year.
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
Success! We fucked roommates!
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
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