I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
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