ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Randomize
