I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
The power of my boobs compel you
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
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