This is clearly one of those "A hole's a hole" situations
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
Randomize
