Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
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