I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
Randomize
