i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
Randomize
