We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
Randomize