Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
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