I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
So you maybe wanna hang out again? I could use the $5
Whatever I can do to help stimulate the economy
he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
Randomize