why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
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