Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
there was naked duck duck goose
how does that even get suggested?!
after naked leap frog.... it wasn't that big of a deal
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
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