this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
Randomize
