alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
Did I show you my penis last night?
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
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