very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
one two three fourrrrnication!
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Randomize
