I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
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