This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
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