Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
Randomize
