I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
Randomize
