I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Randomize
