They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
