Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
Randomize
