your thong is hanging out like whoa
who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Randomize
