Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
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