when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
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