Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
I can feel your judgement through the phone
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
Randomize
