I want to stick my p in your. b.
so that wasnt chicken after all
I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
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