you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
It all started with a game of naked twister.
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
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