Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
Randomize
