I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
Randomize
