Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Randomize
