Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
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