Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize
