I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
Two words: blizzard sex
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
Randomize
