You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Randomize
