does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
Randomize
