I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
Randomize
