What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
Randomize