i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
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