so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
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