Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
Randomize
