you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
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