Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
