why am i having a flashback about somewhere we were this weekend with music videos playing? Spike jonze brothers place?? Help me out
I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
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