god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
Sacagawea was the original milf.
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Randomize
